I'm So Sorry
by EbonyDollBaby2
Summary: After a while he actually started to like it, the abuse. His mind almost craved to have it. He almost prayed that the other would show up at his door hungry and deranged just for him. But who should be apologizing here: the abuser for doing it, or the victim for enjoying it? [yaoi, rape, abuse, violence, HaruxRin; fin.]
1. Chapter 1: A Very Hurtful Pain

_[**1**]_

【**A VERY HURTFUL PAIN**】

_"Nobody can hurt me without my permission."_

_—Mahatma Gandhi_

* * *

He had told him to do as he wanted with his body. Haru had said it on the spur of the moment and the rise of his emotions. Though he tried to take his mind off the thought, Haru had basically thrown himself at him. Rin was just so enticing, he just couldn't help himself.

Rin suddenly drew back and breathed heavily against his ear. Haru felt shivers run down his spine. "Stop acting so needy." Rin grunted. Haru's knees almost buckled. Was he really acting needy? He didn't want to think he was.

"B-But Rin–" He was cut off by an intense look. Haru chose to keep his mouth shut for now. He then felt fang-like teeth brush against the dip of his neck before moving to his collarbone.

Rin sunk his teeth into the bone. Haru winced and tried to step away but Rin pulled him back in. He then practically tore the teenager's shirt off. Haru felt his cheeks heat up some at the exposure.

Rin bit him again. Haru gasped in pain and tried to move away again but iron hands held him down. He was then nipped on the neck. Rin began to suckle on the skin. Haru grasped at Rin's shirt as his internal temperature rose but his hands were slapped away. He looked up in confusion and was greeted with another intense look. "I said stop being needy." Rin repeated.

Haru's lip began to tremble. He really didn't want to be seen as needy. Rin then forced him out of his pants and swimming trunks. Haru felt as bashful as a young girl standing completely nude in front of Rin. His hands twitched to cover himself yet he resisted the temptation.

Rin stared at him for a moment before smirking. Haru briefly questioned the look in his mind. Rin shoved Haru down by the shoulders to his knees suddenly. Haru winced when his joints connected with the cold ground. Rin unzipped and lowered his pants also.

Without warning he pushed his length inside of Haru's mouth. He grabbed the back of Haru's hair and began thrusting. Haru tried holding onto Rin's legs but his hands were slapped away once again. Haru balled his hands into fists and squeezed his eyes shut.

The teen's gag reflex was sensitive, he had never participated in an act like this before. Tears began to fall. When Rin released him he did take in account that that was the first time he had saw Haru cry. He then tossed the thought, flipped Haru over, and held his hands behind his back.

As Rin entered into him, Haru regretted saying that he could do whatever he wanted. This was the greatest pain he had ever experienced. It hurt even more than the time he had fallen and scraped his cheek on concrete. More tears flowed down his cheeks. He had never cried so much before.

"Rin, Rin!" He called out. Haru sucked in a quick breath between his teeth. "Stop, please. It hurts." Rin seemed to increase his speed at that. Haru let out a yelp. If he were louder then surely someone would hear him and rescue him. But it as not in Haru's nature. He also didn't want Rin to get in trouble no matter what happened.

Eventually Haru felt an odd liquid sensation fill him before Rin removed himself. Haru lied face down on the floor. He heard the sounds a zip, footsteps, and then the slam of a door.

Haru forced himself to stand. He almost toppled over. His back hurt tremendously. Yet Haru tried to work past it and got dressed.

As he walked (or limped) home he felt guilt. If he hadn't given Rin permission to do as he liked then maybe something different would have happened, perhaps he would have been more gentle and loving.

Haru felt bad.


	2. Chapter 2: Oh, Clingy Boy

_[**2**]_

【**OH, CLINGY BOY**】

_"Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy - in fact, they are almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other."_

_—Robert A. Heinlein_

* * *

Makoto had been waiting on Haru's doorstep for him. At first he was nothing but happiness and smiles until Haru walked in front of him. "Haru-chan, why are you limping?" Makoto gasped. "And is that blood? What happened to you?"

Haru slowly eased himself down on the front steps. The sun was beginning to set. He stared at the hues of the horizon momentarily before turning to Makoto. "I fell." He simply stated with a blank expression. Makoto had known his (seemingly) stoic friend for many years, he knew something was wrong.

He sat down next to Haru. "Did you get in a fight Haru-chan?" Haru grunted and shifted away from Makoto.

"How many times have I told you to lay off the '-chan'?" Makoto gave a weak smile at that. He hesitated before slinging an arm around Haru's shoulders.

"I've known you for a long time Haru. You can always tell me when something's wrong." Haru stared at his friend. In all their years knowing each other Makoto had never attempted in getting this close to him.

The green-eyed teen's smile widened. "You can trust me." He stated. Haru's mind was instinctively telling him to throw Makoto's arm off. But he couldn't seem to move his muscles. Makoto's grin suddenly dropped and he pressed their noses together. Haru began to panic. Why was he unable to move?

The teen sighed against the other teen. "I have a feeling that you're not going to tell me any time soon." Haru's eyes widened. Makoto wasn't going to confess, was he? Makoto moved in on him.

The lips were foreign to Haru. He had not experienced gentleness, just Rin's roughness. After a second Haru found that he didn't like the feeling. He finally broke out of his paralyzed state and backed away from Makoto.

The olive-haired teenager's cheeks were flushed and he brought a nervous hand to the back of his head. "Have a good night Haru-chan." He stuttered before he practically ran back home.

Haru slowly stood from his front steps. He couldn't process what had just happened. When he turned to unlock his door he heard footsteps behind him. Had Makoto came back to apologize? He was turned around by an aggressive force. "What were you doing?" Rin asked.

Rin then threw him inside when he didn't answer. He made sure to slam and lock the door behind them. "I said, what were you doing just now?"

"What do you mean?" Haru asked. He hadn't meant to play the clueless card, it seemed to hype up Rin's anger. Haru was suddenly slammed against the wall. The right side of his face connected instead of the back of his head but before the pain could settle in he was turned back to face Rin.

"Why were you kissing him?" Rin yelled. Haru began to shake.

"He kissed me. I promise." Haru said. Rin stared at him a moment before throwing a punch at his stomach. Haru could have easily blocked it but he wasn't anticipating for Rin to hurt him like that. "I pushed him away. I didn't want Makoto to do that."

Rin snarled. "Don't say his name!" He threw another hit at Haru's side.

"I'm sorry!" Haru yelled. Rin proceeded to lift his legs and wrapped them around his waist. Haru grabbed onto the other's shirt in fear of being dropped.

Rin snickered before moving on. Haru's pain had lessened some this time, but it was still there. Yet he put up with it just for Rin.

* * *

Haru jolted awake. He looked over to see that Rin had his back to him. He suddenly began to shake in fear. He had never felt so afraid of his old friend before. He detested his new personality and attitude change. It was ugly.

Rin turned over and faced Haru. There was an unexpectedly calm look in those scarlet eyes. "Are you alright?" He whispered. Haru couldn't believe his ears. Was he hearing correctly?

"What?" He stupidly said. Rin rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Are you alright Haru?" He repeated. Haru couldn't reply. He just stared. Rin brushed his hand over his cheek and the corner of his mouth. "I think that you're going to get a bruise here by tomorrow." He murmured. He then let his hands roam to Haru's sides. "And here too." He quietly commented.

"R-Rin..." Haru said. Said boy raised an eyebrow at the call of his name. "Why?" Haru simply asked. Haru knew that this couldn't be some sort of mood swing.

"I don't know. I just feel concerned for you all of a sudden." Rin shrugged and yawned. "Oi, go to sleep."

"B-But—" Haru was crushed against Rin's chest.

"Good night Nanase." Rin muttered. Haru looked up at Rin's face, he appeared to be asleep already. Haru quieted his mind before he did also. His thoughts would not stop racing.


	3. Chapter 3: Such Worthless Apologies

_[**3**]_

【**SUCH WORTHLESS APOLOGIES**】

_"Never apologize, mister. It's a sign of weakness."_

_—John Wayne_

* * *

Haru studied his reflection. A dark bruise was forming on his right cheekbone. He pulled up his shirt slightly to expose his stomach. As Rin predicted there were marks on his sides.

Haru sighed and leaned against the bathroom counter. He was thankful that it was Saturday. He had no way to cover the bruises on a school day. He almost jumped when the bathroom door opened. Rin pointed his finger towards the hallway. "Out, I need to go," he said. Haru quickly did as told.

The doorbell rang. Haru's breath almost caught in his throat. He couldn't be seen like this. But when it rang again he knew he had no choice. He inhaled deeply and opened it up to see Makoto.

"I'm sorry about yesterday Haru." Makoto quickly said. Haru could feel his eyes on his cheek but nothing was said about it. "Please forgive me Haru-chan, please." Makoto pled.

Haru opened his mouth the speak but he was interrupted by the feeling of arms wrapping around his shoulders. "What are you here for Makoto?" Rin asked. Haru felt tingly from the sensation of Rin breathing down his neck.

He briefly saw sorrow in the teen's eyes. Makoto blinked rapidly, shook his head, and smiled. "No reason. I was going to ask Haru if he wanted to go out with the swim club but I see that he's busy." He immediately turned around. "I'll see you two later." He called out before walking away.

Rin closed the door and leaned against it. "That's what he wanted?" Haru nodded. Rin held his hands out towards Haru. He hesitated some before walking into his arms. Rin stroked the raven-haired boy's back.

Haru felt discontent though. He was craving for action in some way or another. "I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder last year." Rin whispered. Haru looked up at him with his eyebrows laced. "So that explains why I seemed so angry with you yesterday. I apologize for that."

Haru shook his head vigorously. "No it's okay. Don't be sorry." Rin rubbed his temple with his forefinger.

"I feel alright right now, but I can't guarantee tomorrow. Hell, I can't even promise you how I'll be in the next hour." Haru stared up at him. Rin's eyes were like pools to him. But not pools of water like his own; pools of blood, of hatred. In those eyes he could sense despair.

"I said it's okay." Haru pressed on. He wouldn't full on admit that he actually liked the abuse. That would be insane, wouldn't it? Rin lightly touched Haru's bruise and then sighed.

"I hope that this'll go away soon." He murmured. He then let go of Haru and walked back to the bedroom. Haru stood by the door with his mouth agape. He didn't know what to do with all these answers.

* * *

"I fucking hate you!" Rin yelled in his face. "Why in the fuck's name would you betray me again?" Makoto had ended up coming back and had impulsively kissed Haru right in front of Rin's eyes once more.

Haru was pinned on the floor with his hands braced by his sides. "I didn't know he was going to do that. I'm sorry!" He yelled back. He silently wondered when he became so sensitive. He didn't understand why he was being such a crybaby.

Rin growled and slammed a fist into his stomach. "'Sorry' doesn't fucking cut it!" He shouted. He took off Haru's shirt and swimming trucks and then leaned down to his ear. "I'm going to make sure that you won't be able to walk properly for the next few days." Haru gulped in fear as anticipation. He already could barely walk now.

Rin entered him without preparation or warning. Haru clenched his teeth as he let out a silent scream. The feeling of raw skin rubbing against raw skin was nearly excruciating. This hurt more then their first time. More tears welled up. Haru was sure he looked like a mess right now with a dark bruise on his cheek and hips, his eyes burning red, and blood running down his thigh.

Haru felt his insides rip. It was as if Rin was slowly trying to tear him in half. "Rin, stop please!" Haru begged. His voice cracked from all his crying and yelling.

"No." Rin stated. At this moment Haru hated the boy's long stamina. Suddenly Rin pulled out and released himself on Haru's face. "How does that feel Nanase?" He mocked. Haru spat some of the substance out and wiped his eyes.

"It feels amazing." Haru whispered. Rin hit his hurt cheek.

"You're a little piece of shit, you know that?" Haru simply stared as Rin walked away.

"I'm sorry." He whispered to himself.


	4. Chapter 4: Please Accept My Feelings

_[**4**]_

【**PLEASE ACCEPT MY FEELINGS**】

_"Your emotions are the slaves_ _to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions."_

_—Elizabeth Gilbert_

* * *

Haru was reluctant to go to school. But nonetheless he soaked in his bathtub, made mackerel for breakfast, and walked to the stairs outside. Yet today the bath was unexciting, the fish was tasteless, and there were too many steps to climb.

He saw Makoto a few feet ahead of him. He couldn't recall a day when the boy hadn't walked him to school. Even when Makoto was sick he would show up to make sure that Haru would get to school on time.

After some thought Haru tried running to him. "Good morning Mako-kun." He greeted.

"Good morning Haru-kun." Makoto replied. Haru couldn't recall a time when Makoto addressed him with the honorific of "-kun."

"What's wrong?" He asked. Makoto shrugged.

"Nothing, I'm fine." Haru noticed a slight tremble in his friend's voice. He studied Makoto's face. His skin seemed slightly pale and his eyes were red. Had he been crying?

"Don't lie to me." Haru stated.

"You've been lying to me." Makoto backfired. "Why didn't you tell me about you and Rin? And is he hurting you?" Haru stopped walking. Makoto slowly turned around to face his friend.

"It all happened on Friday." Haru said. He rubbed his cheek. The bruise was now only noticeable if you looked very closely. "I didn't know how you felt." He sighed. "I'm sorry it's not mutual Mako."

"It's alright." The gentle giant said. He sniffled. "We better hurry up or else we'll be late." They continued walking. Haru could feel Makoto glance at his limping steps.

"I can't practice today." Haru said.

"I understand." Makoto replied. The rest of their trip was deafeningly silent.

* * *

"Haru-chan, why aren't you swimming?" Nagisa's whiny voice asked. Haru was aggravated with the blonde boy already.

"I hurt my leg." He answered.

Nagisa gasped. "How did you hurt yourself? Is Haru-chan okay?"

"I fell." Haru deadpanned. The other boy pouted.

"There's no need to be mean Haru-chan." Nagisa said. Rei, with a towel around his neck, walked over to them.

"Are you alright Haru-senpai?" He asked. Haru shrugged.

"He said he hurt his leg." Nagisa said. Rei frowned.

"How did you do that?" Haru shrugged again. Nagisa huffed in frustration and walked away, dragging poor Rei along with him.

Gou then walked over to Haru. "I heard that you're not feeling so good." She said.

"Rin has bipolar disorder?" Haru asked. Gou was taken aback. She took the tip of her ponytail and twisted it between her fingers anxiously.

"Um, yes. He was diagnosed about a year ago. How did you know that?" Haru simply shrugged. Gou stood next to the boy for a few more minutes before going to the other side of the pool.

Makoto had avoided the spot Haru was sitting all of practice. Haru yearned for his best friend. It hurt to be ignored. He watched as his friends swam in their different styles to his end and back. They were improving greatly.

Amakata soon sat next to Haru. She set up her umbrella so that the shade covered both of them. "Are you comfortable?" She asked. He nodded.

"Ama-chan-sensei," Haru slowly said. "Why did you decide to sit over here?" Amakata smiled.

"You looked lonely." She stated. She then opened her book and became engrossed in the realm of literature. Haru took small enjoyment in the company of the teacher, yet he felt empty for some reason. Last weekend was the most excitement he had ever had in his life. He craved to have it again.

* * *

Haru closed his eyes. He set a silent prayer hoping, on the borderline of begging, that Rin would come back to him hungry and unsatisfied. He wanted that for a reason he could find no explanation for.

Haru glumly cooked himself a dinner of mackerel. He wasn't even hungry. His stomach had been in pain since lunch. He just couldn't bring himself to eat, not even the most delicious fish in all of Japan.

His ears perked up at the sound of a knock at the door. He threw off his apron and went as quickly as he could to answer it. "Rin!" He exclaimed almost happily. Rin shot a glare at him and shoved past Haru to enter the house.

"How are you and your boyfriend doing?" Rin causally asked. Haru frowned. Was he still holding onto this?

"I don't have a boyfriend." Haru stated. The words felt different rolling off his tongue. It was something that he had never said before.

Rin gave Haru a quizzical look. "So you don't like me?" Haru's eyes widened in realization of what he had just said.

"I like you a lot Rin." Haru quickly said. Rin snickered at that.

He went behind Haru and began to saunter down the hallway. "No you don't." He called out. Haru followed him curiously.

"I do." He protested. Rin sat down on the bed.

"Why do you keep on lying Nanase?" Haru didn't like the use of his surname. Rin pulled Haru onto his lap. "Be honest for once. You really don't like me all that much." Haru felt ready to burst with agitation and desire.

"I like you Rin, I really do." Rin pressed his face in the nook of Haru's neck and inhaled deeply.

"You smell like chlorine and fish." The red-haired teen flicked his tongue on Haru's neck, gaining a gasp. "Did you go to the pool and then cook or something?" Haru nodded. Rin unceremoniously placed his hands down Haru's pants. The raven-haired boy latched himself onto Rin's shirt.

The scarlet teen slid his fingers in and out of Haru. He could tell that he was still sore because of the tightness around his fingers. "Oi, just relax." He laid Haru out and lowered his pants some. "No swimming trunks, eh?" Haru felt a blush spill onto his cheeks.

Rin began to pump him. Haru enjoyed the feeling of a new hand. He would never admit what he did many lonely nights in the bathtub. It was a secret that he would keep to the grave. When Haru felt close to climax Rin stopped. Haru frowned. "W-Why did you stop?" He whimpered as Rin's pinched his tip.

"It's nice to see you suffer." Haru panted. He was swelling, this was painful, he need to ejaculate now. His face heated and he grabbed Rin's hands.

"Rin, p-please let me—" He stopped his own sentence with a surprised moan. Even Rin didn't know where that had came from.

"Let you do what?" Rin smirked. Haru began to make noises he didn't know he possessed. Whining like sounds from the back of his throat emerged. He knew that couldn't take this much longer.

"Let me... Let me let it out." Haru weakly stated. He was beginning to go numb.

"Say the correct term for me my sweet Haru-tan." Haru's blush somehow intensified at the pet name.

"Let me cum, please!" Haru shouted. When Rin let go he released on himself and Rin's hand.

"Ah fuck Nanase, you got some one me." Haru felt guilty.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. His voice was raspy from his climax's aftermath.

"You better be." Rin wiped his hand on Haru's shirt before removing it. "You're going to get out of shape if you don't start swimming soon." Haru slowly nodded. He felt his eyes begin to close. "Hey, don't fall asleep on me!"

Haru shot his eyes back open. His mind was begging for him to fall into slumber. "I'm sorry." He murmured.

"Stop apologizing to me all the time. You're making yourself sound more worthless than what you really are." Haru lowered his gaze. The comment had stung him.

Haru inhaled deeply, getting Rin's attention. "I love you." He breathed out. After a few seconds his face was greeted with a slap.

"Don't fucking lie to me." Haru felt tears pierce him. Rin's frown deepened. "You're such a crybaby too. Stop being a little bitch sometimes, will ya?"

Haru let out a sob at that. Rin's words were like psychological sticks and stones being thrown at his mind. It hurt, but Haru still felt in love with this boy. He couldn't understand why he wanted it so much. He couldn't control his emotions internally as he could externally.

He was slapped again. "Stop crying." Haru sat up and pressed his head against Rin's chest. "You're so needy." Rin muttered. He pushed Haru back down. "It's only been a few days and you're already acting like we're going to spend all of eternity or something together."

Haru felt his heart skip a beat. "We're not?" His voice was broken and smaller than usual.

Rin snorted. "Oh fuck no. You know I don't like you that much."

Haru's heart crumbled at the words. Tears flooded him and he tried to keep his sobs in, but it was impossible. Rin grabbed him by his hair and forced him to looked up. Haru's lip quivered.

"Love is for idiots, got that?" Haru nodded. "You're not in love with me. You don't care about me, and I sure as hell don't care about you." He let go of Haru as if he was radioactive. "This is called lust, a thing that I am very familiar with."

"Lust...?" Haru slowly repeated. Rin began to stand up.

"Yeah, lust. Stop acting like you're special, because you know you're not." The blue-eyed boy closed his eyes as he heard Rin leave. He had never felt so neglected and unwanted before. And he had never ever had the urge to feel it all over again.

* * *

**Myako x boomer**: _Thanks for being the first reviewer! Well-written, eh? I make so many typos sometimes it's annoying. But thank you for liking this! Can you tell that I listen to music as I write?_ _The first chapter as so many references, it's insane._


	5. Chapter 5: This Could Be Love

_[**5**]_

【**THIS COULD BE LOVE**】

_"Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes."_

_—Friedrich Nietzsche_

* * *

Haru looked down at the edge of his bath. He couldn't bring himself to go into it. He had never gotten his heart broken like this before. He heard the front door open and close. Haru froze.

"Haru-chan, school has been cancelled for today." He heard Makoto's voice reverberate throughout his house. After a few seconds the boy found him in his bathroom. "You still haven't taken a bath yet? That's very unlike you." Haru didn't turn around to face his friend. Instead he took off his shirt.

"Can you see them?" He whispered. He felt warm fingers touch him. Haru winced but held his place.

"Did Rin do this?" Haru nodded. "You need to stop seeing him, you're going to get yourself hurt even more." Haru shook his head.

"I told him I loved him." Haru blankly said. He heard Makoto choke on air. He turned around to see his friend sputtering with a smile stuck on his face.

"Y-You did?" Makoto softly asked. Haru nodded. His friend then wiped at his eyes furiously. He leaned against the bathroom door. "I'm sorry, it's just that I wanted t-to..." He trailed off. Haru placed his shirt back on his body.

"You wanted to what?" Haru pressed on. Makoto's eyes were beginning to become bloodshot. Haru knew that his friend always tried his best to not cry in front of others.

"I wanted to be your first love." Haru tried to ignore the melancholic undertone to the statement. Makoto then broke down. He slid down the door and placed his head in his hands. "I'm sorry Haru, it's just that—"

"Stop apologizing." Makoto looked up at his friend. Haru felt no empathy for some reason, yet guilty again for not pitying his friend. He ran his fingers through his hair. "I should be. I'm sorry Makoto."

They stared at each other until Makoto stood up. "I think I should be go home now." Before Haru could say anything his friend was gone and Makoto had left.

* * *

Haru stared out his bedroom window. The night sky was filled with more stars than usual. "What are you doing Nanase?" Haru jumped up and faced Rin. For some reason Haru found himself staring at the Samesuka jacket he was wearing.

"I was just looking out the window." Haru said. Rin walked over to him and glanced out the window also.

"Take your shirt off." Haru did as told. Rin seemed to inspect him. "You're losing weight. Why?" Haru shrugged and went to put his shirt back on but it was snatched out of his hands. "Don't fuck with me Nanase, I'm already mad."

"I don't know. People lose weight all the time." Rin growled and shook his head.

"You have a steady diet and exercise routine, you shouldn't be losing weight. Now tell me why you are." Haru dropped his gaze. Rin cared about him?

"Because of yesterday..." Haru couldn't find the right words. Rin seemed to understand though.

"Aw, did RinRin hurt poor Haru-tan's feelings?" Haru blushed. "Do you think that a kiss would make it all better?" He pressed a chaste kiss against Haru's lips. "Does Haru-tan feel better?" Haru actually felt slightly offended by the fact that Rin had basically called him a baby girl, but he liked the kiss.

"Rin," Haru said, "am I not allowed to love you?" Rin stared at Haru with such an intense look that the raven-haired teen back away.

"No." Rin grabbed Haru's hands. "I don't like that word. Don't say it again, got it?" Haru nodded. He was then pushed upon the bed. His pants were lowered and he felt Rin shove inside him.

He wondered how people could enjoy this. This act was too painful for any pleasure whatsoever to come from it. He felt tears stream down his cheeks and blood trickle down his leg. This time was nothing different except he heard Rin grunt before he removed himself from him. Haru looked back and saw Rin laying back on the bed.

"Come here." He beckoned his arms out to him. Haru went to him. Rin pressed him down to him. "Does it hurt each time?" He asked. Haru shook his head. "You bleed and cry each time. Don't lie to me." Haru's head was lifted up, Rin kissed him again. It was aggressive and needy on his part, he was holding the sides of Haru's face to his. Haru loved the feeling of being desired greatly though, but it ended all too soon.

"Are you in any pain?" Rin whispered directly in his ear.

"It's hard to walk and sit." Haru honestly answered. The scarlet-haired teen ghosted his fingers over Haru's neck.

"Are you ticklish?" He asked. He moved his hands to the back of Haru's neck. He tensed, but didn't laugh. Rin sat them both up and leaned down to his feet. "How about here?" After a minute of pure torture Haru let out the smallest laugh possible, but it was still a laugh nonetheless.

"I've never heard you laugh before." Rin commented. Haru instantly returned to his stoic look. "You should really smile more often." Haru felt his heart skip a beat. It was wonderful to hear him say that. Haru had the urge to kiss him again but quickly thought otherwise.

Rin took off his jacket and turned back to Haru. "Has Makoto done anything else to you?" Haru shook his head. "I can't hear you." Rin said.

"No he hasn't." Haru verbally answered. Rin touched his arm suddenly. Every time he touched him Haru felt like a little part of him died inside. He silently wondered if Rin secretly liked him but just wouldn't admit it.

Rin then stood up, but his touch still lingered on Haru's skin. "Good night Nanase." He stated before leaving. Haru looked down on the bed and saw that he had forgotten his jacket. Haru wrapped himself up with it before he slept.


	6. Chapter 6: With This Freedom

_[**6**]_

【**WITH THIS FREEDOM**】

_"The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you."_

_—David Foster Wallace_

* * *

Haru couldn't breathe. The position that he was in was beginning to slow his air supply. His upper body was laid down while his lower body was practically suspended in air. After a while Haru couldn't take it any more. "Stop, I can't breathe." He called out behind him. A few seconds later the force seized pounding into him and cradled him instead.

"Did I hurt you Haru-chan?" The ever so familiar sweet voice asked him. The concern was bitter in his mind, he didn't like it.

"I'm fine. You should go home." Haru began redressing. "I like Rin better." He muttered. He heard a groan behind him.

"I'm sorry that I don't provide the excitement that Rin does, I don't want to hurt you." Makoto quickly kissed Haru's temple before the raven-haired boy could react. "Have a nice afternoon Haru."

"You left off the '-chan.'" Haru said. Makoto smiled widely in glee before he left the Nanase household.

Haru then began to fix the bedcovers. He couldn't believe that he had submitted to Makoto like that. Haru had received no reverse pleasure in the activity though and he refused to cry in front of his friend. The sound of the doorbell interrupted him. Haru sighed. Makoto couldn't be coming back already?

He opened the door to find Rin standing there. Haru stared at him. The scarlet-haired teen showed off his sharp teeth in a grin. "I haven't been here in a while, huh?" He showed himself in.

"It's been two weeks." Haru softly said. He paused before closing and locking the door.

"It has? Oi, I didn't realize that." He took Haru's hand. "Come on." He led Haru down the hallway. Haru was in love with the fact that Rin was holding his hand. He was then let go off and pushed down on the bed.

Rin did as he usually did to Haru. The raven-haired teen expected for things to be the same until he heard Rin mutter as he entered him. "The fuck—" He thought he heard.

"What's wrong?" Haru asked. Rin let go of him.

"I haven't see you in almost a month. Why the hell are you wet?" Haru tensed. He didn't have time to clean himself up afterwards. "You were fucking Makoto, weren't you?" He was hit in the stomach. "You're so stupid Nanase! Why you betray me not once, not twice, but three fucking times with that piece of shit?" Haru felt like a fish out of water trying to find the right words. Rin hit him again. "Answer me!" He demanded.

"I-I'm sorry. It was a mistake. I'm so sorry." That had only fueled Rin's anger.

"I fucking hate you! You are such an idiot. Why would you do that to me?" Rin pushed Haru off of him. "Don't touch me anymore. I hate you Haru!" Haru chose to continue sitting on the bed instead of getting up. He had convinced himself that those words were just a baggage that came with Rin's disorder.

Rin put his pants and shoes back on. "I can't believe that I actually looking forward to this. But look what happens, I get fucked just like that." He looked back at Haru with such an intense gaze that the younger could feel his insides almost quake. "I hope you're fucking happy Nanase. And while you're all alone here you should feel pretty guilty about the fact that you were the only one that I was screwing with right now." Rin huffed in disgust and walked away.

Haru winced at he sound of the door slamming. He folded himself up in fetal position and expected tears to well up. But they came much, much later than he predicted. After he had bawled like a baby he went for the bathroom.

The mirror showed an empty, worthless individual. He had never seen a person show hate towards him. And even with Rin being was who he was, he had never truly meant that he hated him before. Haru clamped his hand over his heart. It was still beating though slightly slower than usual. Rin hated him with every fiber and ounce of his being. Haru felt great disappointment with himself. He had managed to reject all of Makoto's previous advances but gave in to this particular one.

Haru also felt guilty like Rin said. He couldn't believe that he was the one to stab the knife in Rin's back instead of vice versa. He splashed some cold water on his face and went into the bed room.

He immediately found Rin's jacket. Haru had washed it in hopes of returning it the scarlet-haired boy whenever they met again. He then put it on. Makoto had mentioned to him earlier that it was cold outside.

He then left his home without looking back.

* * *

Haru stood over the bridge that went across the town's river. It was always a breathtaking sight to him but at this moment it was not. The lights overhead the water seemed to shine too brightly and the scent of the ocean was making his stomach churn.

Nonetheless Haru breathed it all in and lazily soaked in the sight for a little while. He then glanced around him. Everyone was too immersed in their own tasks to notice the teenager.

Haru turned back. He sucked in another breath. He then stood on top of bridge's edge and forced his body to go forwards.

He gave an awkward dance of limbs as he fell through the air. And then it was all over. Those serene deep blue eyes became blind to the world, and the dolphin drowned.

* * *

**Wanderer: **_Thanks! It's good to keep things interesting. And the same idea sort of made me write this._


	7. Chapter 7: It Would Be a Perfect World

_[**7**]_

【**IT WOULD BE A PERFECT WORLD**】

_"Everything affects everything."_

_—Jay Asher_

* * *

Or at least he thought he had.

Haru glimpsed at a pure white hospital room through the slits of his eyes and took in the scent of ether anesthesia. He was tempted to close his eyes but he kept them wide open. He tried to figure out what was going on.

He wasn't dead and the fact depressed him. The second thought that came to his mind was who had saved him? He had been underwater for a very long time if he was recollecting correctly, so whoever saved him really wanted him to be alive.

"Nanase-san, please stay with us!" He heard a voice call out. He tried to turn his head but it was turned back the other way.

"Nanase-san, you're going to be okay." Another voice said.

"He still has a lot of water in his lungs." He heard another voice mumble. Haru's mind was much too muddled with confusion, drugs, and sadness to think straight. He accepted the fact that there were people trying to save him. He just wished it wasn't true.

He heard a bumping noise. "We're about to lose him again!" A panicked voice exclaimed.

"Nanase-san, no matter how hard it is, try to stay aw—" But Haru was already out.

* * *

Haru awoke again to a much calmer atmosphere. He could sense another presence in the room though. As quickly as he could he swiveled his head to his right. "R—" he was shushed.

"I don't think you should be talking." The scarlet-haired boy said. His tone was still a bit harsh but it as soft as Rin could go. "You know if I was angry right now I would be yelling at you." Haru weakly nodded. "Did you do it because of me?"

"Yes." Haru whispered. Rin sighed and crouched down in front of Haru. After a moment of hesitation he grabbed his hand. Haru's hand was icy cold compared to Rin's warm one.

Rin bit his lip and squeezed Haru's limp hand. "I'm sorry about all this." He sighed again. "Even if you fully recover from the treatments you won't be able to swim again. You're lungs are going to be too weak or some weird shit." Haru's heart would have normally sank at news like this, but it didn't.

Haru let go of Rin's hand and slowly moved it to his forearm were his IVs were located. It took a moment for Rin to place everything in his head. He swatted Haru's hand away. "What the hell Nanase? Why would you just kill yourself right in front of me?"

"Because you would let me." Haru said. He suddenly found it difficult to take in another breath. Rin stared at the blue-eyed boy. Though the face around them was stoic the eyes theirselves weren't exactly emotionless. They held the faintest bits of livelihood and happiness. But right now none of those things were there.

Rin sighed for what felt like the umpteenth time. He then slowly unraveled and removed the needles that pierced Haru's skin. Haru felt Rin's fingers shake terribly as they did so. "They say that if you really love something then you must set it free." He whispered. Haru stared up at him with big, sad eyes.

Rin's touch still make a little of him die on the inside. "You're setting me free?" Rin turned off the machines that surrounds the two. He then leaned down and caressed Haru's cheek.

"You were always free Haru." He then leaned down and kissed the tip of his nose. "I'll see you on the other side."

Haru felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes. "I'm so sorry Rin." Rin gave a small smile.

"Makoto thought that if I came here then you would feel better but I guess not." Rin opened the door. "I have to go." He muttered before he departed. Haru could have promised that he saw Rin wipe his eyes as he left.

* * *

**L. Monster:** _I'm sorry, it had to been done!_

**Ember:** _It's not over yet! :D_

**Maniacal Daydreamer:** _Your theory might be right, let's see. And thank you! (Also thank you liking a lot of my other stories too)._

**Myako x boomer: **_Expect the unexpected grasshopper ;) I wouldn't want to say it's easy to depict an abusive relationship. Because the victim may hate or they may grow to actually like it (like this case) who knows, people see different. What can I say, I'm a sucker for quotes :D And are you a genie or something? How'd you know what I was going to do? Who know I had an invisible stable in the clouds lol._

_Long reply to a long review. Long reviews make me feel_ _special._


	8. Chapter 8: Last Splash

_[**8**]_

【**LAST SPLASH**】

_"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."_

_—Oscar Wilde_

* * *

"Hey Haru." Rin murmured. He shoved his hands into his pockets before he continued. "Makoto just left, but I don't think he said anything. He probably just cried or something. He's still a little bitch." Rin sighed and sat down. "I think a lot of people were mad at me because I didn't cry or anything but I made sure you got my jacket. I hope that that's enough."

He ran his fingers through his hair. "Since I'm missing a jacket I took yours, sorry about that. But I think my team will understand why if I show up to practice wearing an Iwatobi jacket." He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. After a moment Rin growled. He couldn't stand the silence. He stood up. "I have to leave now." He briefly pressed his hand against the grave marker before leaving.

* * *

Nagisa patted Makoto's back. "Are you feeling better Mako-chan?" He asked softly.

Rei nudged Nagisa. "Leave him alone." Makoto shook his head.

"No it's okay. I'm alright Nagisa." When the news that Haru had successfully committed suicide Makoto had thrown up. He had not stopped vomiting for almost an hour, which deeply startled the group of teens. Rei and Nagisa had counted around thirty minutes since the last time he had thrown up, but Nagisa wasn't convinced.

"Are you sure?" Nagisa pressed on. Rei nudged him again. Nagisa leaned against Makoto's arm. "I really miss him too Mako-chan but I don't like seeing you all sad. You always smile."

Makoto sniffled. "I only smiled because of him." He placed his head in his hands. "I had smiled enough for the both of us since he never would." He held his stomach suddenly. "I think I'm going to be sick again." Rei immediately tossed a bucket towards Makoto.

"Make sure you eat something. It's going to be very painful if you throw up stomach acid." Makoto absentmindedly nodded while he held the bucket to his chest. His stomach had felt like one-hundred degrees since he had heard the news.

"I think we should end the swim club." Makoto quietly said. Nagisa and Rei almost didn't catch the whispered words. The two glanced at each other with a knowing look.

"It was fun while it lasted." Rei said. Nagisa nodded. The blue-haired individual stood up. "I'm going to go tell Kou-san our decision."

"Tell Gou-chan I said hi." Nagisa blankly commented. He turned back to Makoto then gasped. The gentle giant had tears rapidly streaming down his cheeks. "Mako-chan, don't cry!" Nagisa tightly embraced his friend. "I'm really sad too, but I'm not crying. And I'm the crybaby of this group!" Makoto gave an empty chuckle to that.

He wiped his eyes dry and set the bucket at his feet. "Alright, I'll try not to for you." Nagisa gave a smile, it didn't have its usual brightness and spirit but it was enough for Makoto.


	9. Chapter 9: Just One More Time

_[**9**]_

[_Alternate Ending_]

【**JUST ONE MORE TIME**】

_"Come tomorrow, I'll wake up new."_

_—Chad Sugg_

* * *

Haru looked in his bathroom mirror. He still saw an empty person, but he saw the smallest bit of hope in that person. He just had to figure out a way to set that aspect of himself free.

The raven-haired teen grimaced at the memory of when the doctors reported that he had tried to attempt suicide a second time. Rin had feigned surprise just for their sake, Nagisa and Gou had burst into tears, Rei had hung his head down, and Makoto had thrown up. The smell of his vomit still lingered in his nose and the etch of his friends' disappointment was fresh in his mind.

Haru absentmindedly tugged at his hospital bracelet. He was told he could take it off but he kept it on. He saw it as a bitter reminder of how he could no longer swim because of his selfish actions. He then sighed and splashed some cold water on his face. Dark bags were starting to from underneath his eyes from his insomnia and he had lost a lot of weight over the ordeal.

There was a knock at his door. No one had visited him for the past two weeks. Haru wasn't particularly excited about a visitor, but he answered the door anyways. "Hi Haru." Rin greeted. Haru widened the door to let him in. "Are you feeling alright?"

Haru shook his head. "I can't sleep or eat."

Rin lifted his arms. "Aw, come here Haru-chan." He then hugged him. Haru still didn't like the nicknames, but he would take the honorific "-chan" over "-tan" any day. Rin rubbed his back as he embraced him. "You feel different." Rin murmured in his ear. "You need to start eating before you lose too much weight." Haru nodded. He half-listened to the scarlet boy's worries of nothingnesses. He was really focused on their intimate hug they were sharing.

"Rin," Haru softly said.

"What?"

"Can you kiss me?" Rin leaned back and raised an eyebrow. "Please?" Rin sighed and pressed his lips against Haru's. The sensation was sweet to Haru and when they parted he almost leaned forward to continue, but decided not to. Haru's body was much too battered and weak for what he craved. He would most likely just end up in the hospital again if he provoked Rin.

"Why'd you want me to do that?" Rin asked. Haru looked up at him with watery eyes suddenly.

"Am I allowed to love you now?" The scarlet-eyed male shook his head after a pause. Haru felt his heart shatter all over again.

"But that's not a definite answer." Rin muttered. Haru felt that small part of hope in him spiral out of control. He flung his arms around Rin.

"I'm so happy." He whispered. Rin resisted a scoff.

"I don't see why you're so worked up over a possibility." He said in a low voice. He heard Haru sniffle before letting go of him.

"That's enough for me." He said. "And you gave me a sight that I never saw before, thank you." Rin was confused over his words, but said he was welcome anyways. "You should leave. It's getting dark outside."

"I'll see you tomorrow." Rin said. Haru nodded. He was looking forward to it.

* * *

**Sorry for all the sad people. I made this little alternate ending instead for those who like happy/neutral endings (however you want to see it).**

**Myako x boomer: **_You realize you give the best reviews ever, right? Aw, and don't cry, you'll make me feel bad. And thank you for the compliments. That's why I like writing fanfiction. With an original character you can do whatever you want, but with fanfics you're limited. Sometimes I think I made Haru say too much, I'm not sure. I don't think that's it a good thing that I finished this story in less than a week. Lol_

**FreeWaveFeli: **_I hope this did the trick!_

**Ember: **_Why thank you. :)_


	10. Chapter 10: Tea Mixed with Saltwater

_[**10**]_

[_Bonus Chapter_]

【**TEA MIXED WITH SALTWATER**】

_"Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart."_

_—José N. Harris_

* * *

"I gotta go. I'll see you two later." Rin patted Haru's back and gave a small nod towards Makoto before he departed. When the door jingled as it closed Haru hung his head down. Makoto laced his eyebrows together in concern at him.

"What's wrong Haru?" He asked. Haru did not answer. After a moment the green-eyed boy noticed that the tea in the cup beneath Haru's chin was splashing slightly. It took him a moment to realize that his friend was crying.

Makoto reached across the table and lightly grabbed the other's hand. He noticed a slight flinch come from Haru as he did so. "Are you okay?" He pressed. After a moment's hesitation the raven-haired teen shook his head.

"He won't let me love him." Haru whispered. Makoto almost did not catch the whispered words. "I do so much for him and he won't let me love him." Haru frantically swiped his eyes with the back his arm before looking back up. If it weren't for the slight red tint in his eyes the teen looked perfectly fine.

Makoto sighed and gave a small smile. "I felt the same way Haru-chan." He murmured. He patted Haru's hand. "Does he still hurt you?"

Haru shook his head. "No." His answer was delivered a bit too quickly for Makoto's liking but he decided to accept it. "Why won't he let me love him?" The olive-haired teen was taken aback by Haru's words. He had no answer for the question.

Makoto slowly stood and offered Haru's his hand. His friend seemed reluctant to take it, but Makoto smiled nonetheless. "Let's go get you some mackerel, you told me you were running out." Haru gave a quiet murmur of agreement before they left the store also.

* * *

**As of 12/23/13 I have edited this story. Changes include: removal of author's notes, some quotes being changed, a chapter name change, spelling fixed, grammar trimmed up, dialogue changes, possible OOC-ness fixed, and the adding of this bonus chapter! :3**

**I hoped you all enjoyed (or not…). Until next time! :D**


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